Taken Back...

I was sitting in my office at work, listening to Pandora, Howie Day's "Collide" began to play. From the first sounds of the chords on the guitar, my throat dropped into my stomach and I felt nauseous. I was overtaken with emotion, as this is the one song that makes my heart hurt. It takes me back to a place when I was happier than I ever thought possible, and everything is so much different now -- that when I hear this song, I am overtaken by an overwhelming feeling of grieving and pleading for the past.

I can remember the first time I heard that song, actually I probably will never forget this moment because for some reason, this song captured my attention more than any song I've ever heard for the first time. I was completely in love at this point in my life, being in my first successful and true relationship. I might also love this song because of my infatuation for guys and guitars, but that's besides the point-- the emotion and truth in this song is breathtaking. The first time I heard this song -- I was sitting on a bench at Vernon Square Cinema waiting for the final showings for the night to get out so that I could close up and go home for the night. I heard the song on the radio, and the entire world was silent as I was surrounded by only this song and my complete and utter happiness -- such happiness that I envy now, because I haven't even been able to reach half of that happiness since I came to college.

I associate my feelings with songs, and there are a variety of songs that when I hear them, I am instantly taken back to a certain point of my life and I am bombarded with emotions. I often see myself as a music junky, not in the sense that I love all kinds of music or know every song and artist, but a music junky in a sense that I analyze music and have an emotional connection to it. If I find a song I like, I look up the lyrics and analyze them. Finding meaning and emotions in songs is something I love to do, and will continue to do for the rest of my life. Some songs bring feelings of happiness, some complete and utter sadness -- but they all bring back memories, those of which I will hold dearly for better or for worse.

As much as this song hurts me, it also soothes me. It's a song that I hold dearly. Yes it may have been overplayed on the radio, and some may find it lame -- but I have a love-hate relationship with it. No matter how much I don't want to listen to it, I love it. As much as it hurts me to listen to it now, it does remind me that I can be happy and I was once so happy that nothing could faze me. This song reminds me of this everytime I hear it, and it reminds me that I am capable of being as happy as I once was. One day, Someday, Maybe.

Thanks Howie Day.